Manual For Havoc, Recipe For Disaster
by Yours truly - Pride
Summary: A strange, cracky fanfic written on a whim. Adapted from Pride and DangoCorn's weird conversations. This is a series of random scenes born out of boredom and randomness as well as two hyperactive imaginations. Judge if you will, but proceed with caution.


**Pride: Hello there guys! This is Pride, this time with an extremely retarded fanfic from myself and DangoCorn, written on a whim. I guess you could call it a "collaboration fanfic", but the truth is that this is the result of our hyperactive imaginations, and our "normal" conversations. **

**This fanfic has no direction, no motive. It is merely here to share with the world what we think is too precious to keep to ourselves. Moreover, it may serve as an insight into the conversations that two wacky writers may have when they meet. A behind-the-scenes exclusive view, you could call it. Except usually, such conversations inspire one of the two writers to write a great fanfic. This one is just…like this. I can't even describe it. Just read to find out.**

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><p><strong>DISCLAIMER: I do not own One Piece or any of its characters. <strong>

**DISCLAIMER 2: This is a series of random scenes born out of boredom and two overactive imaginations. Feel free to judge~**

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><p>Guide:<p>

*actions* **or **-actions-

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><p><strong>Manual for Havoc, Recipe for Disaster <strong>

An One Piece original fanfiction

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><p>It's always hard to explain things, no matter what it may be.<p>

Some things are too complicated to explain.

Some are hard to explain because we ourselves need someone to explain to us how they came about, and how they escalated to the current point.

Others are simply too ridiculous and absurd to even explain.

But what is one to do, when there is a combination of all three?

Don't explain, of course.

That is exactly what I have chosen to do, on behalf of myself and DangoCorn.

However, we shall narrate to you everything we have come up with, and you are free to formulate your own theories as well as explanations.

We do not know where this is going; it lacks direction. It is crazier and harder to believe than One Piece itself. However, we do know how it all began. So let's start from the beginning, shall we?

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><p><em>The beginning before the end, before all the chaos began.<em>

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><p><strong>It all started when Pride admitted to having said things to a girl, that could very well have cost his life. Things like "you look exhausted" and "did you grow shorter?"<strong>

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><p>Sanji: "Don't you know anything about how to treat a lady?!"<p>

Pride: "Sure I do! We shouldn't like...tell them they're fat in a dress, right?"

Sanji: -Pulls a cigarette out- "Let's start with lesson one..."

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><p>Pride: Aw crap. But I said I knowwww! *runs away from Sanji* Namiiii! Save me! I swear, you're not fat in that dress! Plez! Save me from that demon!<p>

Nami: Is that...sarcasm I sense? You do realize how much you owe me in debt right?

Pride: *Sweats profusely* *mumbles* Shit...now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. No, make that stuck between a whirlpool and a frickin thunderstorm.

**-Random Interval-**

Pride: DangoCorn. Wait. Then shouldn't you have killed me a loooong time ago for calling you a kid? Or a brat? Oh and by the way, screw Sanji~ He can go cuddle with his girlfriends in Kamabakka Kingdom!

Sanji: What did you say you shitty excuse for a writer?! *launches a kick*  
>Pride: AAAAHHHHH! SAVE ME I'M GONNA DIE! Wait, there's a way for me to survive. DJ fan army, I summon thee!<br>*poof*  
>*Horde of fans appear* (Helpful side note: Recently Pride has taken to referring to himself as DJ Prizzles. In their extremely retarded conversations. So yeah)<p>

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><p>Sanji: -Slowly lowers leg- H-how did you...summon all these...BEAUTIFUL LADIES~~~~~~~?!"<p>

Pride: -Sticks nose in the air- I've got my charm.

Sanji: Tell me how or I'll kick your sorry a**.

Zoro: Dumb cook. You can't even figure it out on your own?"

Sanji: Huh?! As if you can, baka marimo!

Zoro: I've got more important things to worry about, unlike you. -Uncontrollably glances at Robin-.

Sanji: -Notices- Oi oi...don't go giving my Robin-chan creepy looks!

Zoro: Eh?! What did you say?!

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><p>Pride: *sweatdrops* *thinking* Oi, oi, don't go ignoring me now, guys...<p>

Sanji: I told you not to creep my Robin-chan out, moss-on-legs! Or have you gone hard of hearing?

Zoro: Well, I don't mind losing my hearing, as long as I don't lose my brains unlike you! *unsheathes sword*

Sanji: You s*** sword maniac! *raises leg*

Pride: Now, now, Sanji-bo...don't go getting all worked up about something so trivial~

Sanji: You...*grits teeth*

Pride: Ah, ah. Hear me out first. Like I said, I've got my charm, so I have a fan following of beautiful , however...

Sanji: What...are...you...saying! *grits out*

Pride: Sanji-bo~

Sanji: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Pride: What did I tell you about hearing me out? Anyways, as I was saying, you don't have that kind of charm. Somehow, Zoro-bo has apparently caught Robin-chan's attention. *Sanji's eyes pop out comically* Now, you could still cling on to Nami-chan, but then you'd have to gather her all the berri in this world first. Even then, she'd probably run away with all that money and live with someone hotter than you. *steam coming out of Sanji's ears*

Zoro: *laughs non-stop in the background*

Pride: So...Sanji-bo, your best option is to go for some girl we don't know yet!

Zoro: Or an okama from Kamabakka Kingdom! *laughs uncontrollably*

Pride: *laughs uncontrollably*

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><p>Zoro: Awh man -wipes tears of laughter-.<p>

Sanji: ALRIGHT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! YOU WANNA BET WHETHER I CAN HAVE NAMI-SAN OR NOT?!

Zoro: Ho-ho, yes I do.

Pride: Hmm...that'd be interesting.

Sanji: -Puffs cigarette and walks away- S*** idiots...

Pride: I wonder what he's planning on doing...

Zoro: -Shrugs and walks off- Whatever. One thing guaranteed though: he's gonna get one heck of a beating from Nami.

Pride: If he tries to make some weird move -which he probably will- then yeah, definitely.

A Robin suddenly joins the conversation.

Robin: Pride-san, what are you doing on our crew again?

Pride: Uh...y'know just...gathering ideas.

Robin: Ideas?

Pride: Yeah...ever heard of fanfictions?

Robin: No, I've never heard of that.

Usopp appears next.

Usopp: Ohh, yeah! I've heard of that before. It's like...when you write stories of your favorite fictional characters, right?

Pride: Yeah, that's it!

Usopp: I've read a few before...I saw one of Zoro and Robin, actually.

Pride: Uh-oh...

Robin: -cocks head- What did it say?

Zoro: -Stops walking away and listens-

Pride: Usopp, maybe you shouldn-

Usopp: It was so weird actually, someone wrote about you two having feelings for each other! Psh, so creepy.

Zoro: -Walks away with fast paces-

Robin: Ah...interesting...-Walks away and into the girls quarters-

Usopp: Heh, what's up with them?

Pride: -Smirks- I wonder...

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><p>Nami: *Matchmaker mode: On!* Usopp, what was the name of the fanflicker you mentioned?<p>

Usopp: FanFICTION, Nami.

Nami: Yeah, that. So what's it called? Oh and on a side note, Usopp, rule number one on this ship is: Don't correct me.

Usopp: *sweats profusely* Uhhhh hahaha. It's called...

Pride: *whispers* Usopp, can it!

Nami: What was that?

Usopp: *half-laughing and half-crying* Ahaha Namiiii please don't add any more berri to my debt! I have none on me! Right Pride?

Pride: *bright smile* Damn right!

Nami: ...Usopp...Don't try to change the topic. Fulfill the curiosity of the matchmaker in me and you live. Or else...*pulls out Clima-Tact*

Usopp: UWAH! FRIENDSHIP!

Nami: ...What?

Usopp: "POWER OF FRIENDSHIP", THAT'S WHAT IT WAS CALLED!

Sanji: Nami-swaaannnnn would you like a La Bella Vita? It's a special ice-cream, with a few of my own twists! I made it with the best of ingredients! Strawberries from Water 5, Heart-shaped chocolate from-

Nami: *ignore* Hmmmm, so who wrote it? I wish to find out who my partner in matchmaking is!

Usopp: Ummm...It's DangoCorn!

-A wild DangoCorn appears-

DangoCorn: Aye! That's me!

Nami: Good! We'll get to work after I finish eating my ice-cream!

Sanji: *puzzled look* Matchmaking for whom, Nami-san? As far as I know, none of the guys in this crew have feelings for each other...

Nami: Of course not! It's Zoro and Robin! *skips away eating the icecream*

Sanji: *turns his evil glare on DangoCorn and Pride* YOU TWO...YOU PLANNED THIS, DIDN'T YOU! I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER WRITE SUCH A-

Zoro: Shut your fucking big trap, shit cook. I could hear you all the way from up here.

Sanji: *fumes more*

Robin: *giggles* Kenshi-san. Do you have to fight with Cook-san even from such a distance?

Sanji: THAT'S IT! YOU LITTLE- ARRRGHHH!

Pride: Run away! You can turn into a pile of goo, can't you? (Helpful side note: Pride refers to DangoCorn as an alien, amongst other things, and she prefers to be a pile of goo.) Get moving if you want to live! I'll try to hold him off for a while! *blasts music from handheld speaker* Ain't nobody gonna catch DJ Prizzles! AIN'T-NO-BODYYYY!

DangoCorn: *drags Pride off before he starts on another retarded poem* (Helpful side note: Pride likes to write poems. Retarded ones.)

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><p><em>End<em>

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><p><strong>Pride: If you are reading this note, it means that you have read the above nonsense with your sanity on the line and have succeeded in your gamble. We congratulate you. If you will, look forward to the next instalment which will come in who-knows-when. But do expect it to be as cracky as this. <strong>

**- DangoCorn and Pride**


End file.
